Dan: I saw Hannah today and I panicked, so I just ignored her.
Chloe: That's like the third time you've done that!
Me: Do you know how to interact socially with other human beings?
Dan: No! The other day, this girl kept smiling at me on the bus and I didn't know what to do, so I just got off.
I’m comfortable with my sexuality. I’m just curious… about bumming.
Sometimes I think I’m the second coming.
“
| — |
It would explain so much.
|
Watching Thor. Dan thinks Loki’s name is Nookie.
I think you’ve mistaken me for someone who’s hungry.
“
| — |
Dan doesn’t want to order food.
|
Chloe Trumper! I hereby sentence you to one thousand years… in ugly prison!
“
| — |
Sometimes, Dan is twelve.
|
Good news, everyone! I wore long johns to uni today.
“
| — |
Dan, before hitting Chloe with his wet sock.
|
I’ve had such a good weekend! I’ve been pooing with the door open!
“
| — |
Dan, on his weekend alone in the house.
|
Anonymous
sadly Dan has gone to visit Leeds this weekend, however I can tell you that his three most common catchphrases are “all right, dickheads?” “fuck off, Chloe” and “you need to man the fuck up, buckeroo”.
I hope this appeases your hunger for Dan.
Dan [listening to X-Factor from the kitchen]: Is everyone cheering Frankie?
Me: 14-year-old girls are cheering Frankie.
Dan: And me. Their leader.
Dan: Is this too much pasta for one person to consume?
Jess: Yes.
Chloe: Yes.
Me: Yes.
Dan: Challenge accepted.
Me: Say something funny so I can put it on Stuff Dan Says.
Dan: No.
‘Oh, fellatio! Fellatio! Where for art thou, fellatio?’ We are so middle class.
“
| — |
Dan, lamenting the fact that ‘cunnilingus’ isn’t a very nice word.
|
